Is it possible to find contentment in the midst of feeling restless? I believe the answer is yes and I know this because I have been able to find it. Spiritually I am experiencing a season of restlessness. I am realizing that I have made decisions about my life without consulting God first and I am now beginning to experience the consequence, restlessness. At the time I felt like I was making the right decision for me, but I wasn't asking the most important question, is this was God desires for me? I was basing my decision on whether or not it was what I wanted and as mentioned in one of my previous posts God knows what's best for me more than I do. It is a sobering experience to realize that you really can't run from a calling God placed on your life so many years ago...no matter how hard you try.
One summer at GA (Girls in Action) camp, when I was about 10 or 11, I felt a very distinct pull on my heart towards ministry. I didn't know what that really meant, but I remember vividly sharing that calling with my mom on the car ride home from camp. It was a moving experience and I know without a shadow of a doubt it was from God, but the unfortunate thing was, I left that calling at camp. Instead of pursuing that calling through out my life and figuring out how God was going to use that I forgot about it, and moved on. Every now and then it would creep back up into my heart but I would do a pretty good job of talking myself out of it, telling myself, "there's no way I could discern a calling from God at 10 years old." And you know what, that's putting limitations on God, and we know God can very well do whatever he pleases and if he chose to reveal himself to a 10 year old who am I to say he can't? So now what? What do I do after I've run from this for so many years?
Well, I could mope and wallow in self-pity, saying "woe is me" but I have nothing to mope about. Am I feeling restless? Yes! BUT, I can make the choice today to pursue the calling God placed on my 10 year old heart so many years ago. Praise God we get more than one chance! This season of restlessness is causing me to spend more time in God's word and I am desiring to know God deeper and become more in tune with him. I am reminded that when I am weak then I am really strong and God continues to remind me that it is all in his timing, and even though I am restless I can find contentment because my God is sovereign and in control of my WHOLE life. So be encouraged! Do not get down if you realize you have been running from the true calling God has placed on your life. Instead, run even faster back to him, for he is EAGERLY waiting for you with open arms. Even in the midst of restlessness your Heavenly Father can bring you rest.
"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." Colossians 4:2